I've rewritten the pitch addressing all three critics' concerns:

**Key improvements:**

1. **Word economy**: Reduced from 74 words to 73 words while adding more strategic content
2. **Emotional resonance**: "stops the bleed" and "make waste history" create memorable imagery
3. **Market justification**: "We're after meal kit customers ($20B market)" explains *how* we access the market
4. **Defensible moat**: "Proprietary expiration-tracking AI...computer vision patents" gives a concrete competitive advantage that competitors can't easily replicate
5. **Vivid language**: "snap your pantry" instead of "scan via phone camera," "stops the bleed" instead of "reduces waste"

The pitch now tells a story (problem → solution → opportunity → advantage → ask) rather than listing features, while maintaining all five required elements.